Apocalypse Part 2

After a few days of watching the polls here, checking in frequently for comments and concerns, I'm back with some more thoughts to ponder on the Epic War of the Future. But first, let me say that the polls came back men 10, women 7. Out of 32 followers, 16 of them are women. Not that everyone voted, but I'm just trying to prove I don't run a macho-centric blog. Polls being considered, though not held as scripture, let's move on to a few more points in the war. This time I'll cover strategies of each side and possible counter maneuvers.

Those of you who are new to this post series should go back and read Apocalypse Part 1, and those of you who aren't caught up and are hyper-sensitive should go back and read the disclaimer as well.

Women's Strategy

A commonly accepted fact is that men love to look at women, especially underclothed ones. So in the most politically correct words as possible, the women could "display" certain "characteristics" to "disable" the men, making their fighting less than perfection and opening a line in their advances for the women to sail through.

Men's Counter
This is a war between all men and all women. This means that less heterosexual men will be placed in sniper positions and tasked with eliminating the threats to morale presented by the females. Their resilience to feminine distractions makes them ideal for this role, and effectively eliminates that course of action for the women.

Men's Strategy

Taking advantage of the women's tendency toward infighting (described earlier) men have a plan to use on the front lines of battle. Using a megaphone, the men will single out a certain battalion of women and tell them that all of the other batallions look better than they do today. Rather than assault the men, the plan is that at least some of the more insecure women will turn on the other sections of their own army and create a less than ideal fighting environment.

Women's Counter

Knowing the men's coniving ways and anticipating this plan, the women will counterstrike with an equally loud megaphone and ask the men "Do these fatigues make us look fat?" Stunned, the men will have no choice but to offend each and every one of the women, negating the effect of their previous propaganda.

Women's Strategy

A basic military strategy that holds a promising record in the history of war is the classic bombing raid. Simple, dignified, and utterly destructive, women's natural ability to go to the bathroom in perfect synchronization also makes them adept at coordinated flight patternes. The men won't see such a militant attack coming from them, and will be taken completely by surprise.

Men's Counter

2 words. Amelia Earhart. Enough Said.

Men's Strategy

Motivation is such a key component of war that military tacticians have been working on developing new technologies for years. But one of the most tried and true weapons of willpower is a good song. Since the dawn of war, men have been beating drums to move the hearts of their warriors. Thousands of men with guns is a mighty force indeed, but thousands of men with guns listening to "We're Not Gonna Take It" will mow down any opposition, guaranteed.

Women's Counter
They know how to do it. They practice constantly. And all it takes is a quick radio signal interception to release their own personal brand of audio anhilation. Once the women have the hard rock station the men are jamming to, all they need to do is change the channel every 2 seconds to not only kill the fighting songs, but annoy the living soul out of every man out there.