Runt of the Captain Planet Litter

First and foremost allow me to express my feelings toward Captain Planet. In an age of TV shows filled with sex, drugs, and violence, this televised treasure stood above the rest, fighting for a cleaner world, breaking the border between education and entertainment, and filling the hearts and minds of our children with thoughts of a better, cleaner world.

How dare they? Who do they think we are, PETA? Television isn't the place for touchy feely heartfelt messages! Especially in a cartoon! From the beginning of cartoon history, the real classics, the makers of the genre have been greats like Tom and Jerry, Wile E. Coyote, and Bugs Bunny, all of whom relied heavily on violence. Not bloody violence, just good clean potentialy-deadly-in-the-real-world kind of things. In walks Captain Planet trying to fight crime with the power of a good clean fight? Come on. Even Bugs wasn't against dropping an anvil on someone's head for the greater good, but no, not Cpt. Planet, he's above that.

Moving on to my real point here, I would just like to say how bad I feel for Ma-Ti, the little Indian kid with the heart ring. It's not that talking to animals and feeling other people's emotions isn't a great super power, really it is. But when you're in a team of teens who can do things like launch literal streams of fire out of their hands or create attacks on the level of a natural disaster, I imagine it sucks really bad when the best thing you can do is communicate with a monkey.

If i had to place a bet on the first Planeteer to go postal and just flip out on the rest of them, I'd put any money on him. He's the youngest one, kind of a loner, never in on the jokes, and again his best friend throws his own poop. On the other hand I guess he's probably the best one to freak out too, seeing as the other Planeteers could blast him with gale force winds, bury him under a mile of water, cage him in stone, and light his chimp on fire while he watches.

I know it seems awful to say, but I just wish the kid had gotten something else too, like a compensation for the lame ring. "Wheeler, here's a ring that shoots blazing columns of rightiously environmental fire. Ma-ti, this lets you talk to that monkey over there, so here's a gameboy too. Just a little something so you won't be too bored while the other four are doing real superhero stuff."